Therefore, the art of change requires that you don’t stop at step 2!

The source of your behaviors and habits

Through experience, you have learned to react automatically to many triggers. With practice, your reactions become automatic, especially if they have been helpful to you in the past.

Identifying the cause behind certain actions typically falls under psychotherapy. However, in many cases, it’s not necessary to identify the past cause of your behaviors to improve.

You can change by becoming aware, in the present moment, of a trigger, the automatic response that is about to manifest, and deciding to act differently in the future.

Let’s delve into what this implies:

• Your thoughts are the source of your behaviors.
• While some thoughts are conscious, many escape your attention and lead to automatic responses or habits.

Habits manifest as follows:

• First, there’s a trigger.

• Then, you experience a physical response (tension, energy, tightness, warmth, etc.).

• Almost simultaneously, you feel an emotional response (aversion, attachment, anger, anxiety, joy, excitement, etc.).

• Then comes a mental response; a thought interprets the trigger, passes judgment, and finds justification.

• Ultimately, a behavior results from these responses generated in a fraction of a second.

• Your actions are then observable.

Therefore, if you don’t pay enough attention to each of these steps, you will repeatedly fall back on your old habits. The cycle won’t be broken.

Let’s revisit the delegation example. You’re criticized – and you also notice – for not delegating tasks enough; as a result, you neglect some of your responsibilities due to lack of time. So, you attended training on the subject; thus, steps 1 and 2 mentioned earlier are checked off.

• However, an analysis report needs to be produced by Friday, and you want to take the opportunity to practice your new way of delegating tasks. Here’s a trigger.

• You feel muscle tension at the thought of delegating something. Here’s a physical response.

• You feel both apprehensive about imagining one of your employees doing the work and excited about the idea of doing the analysis yourself (after all, you’re an expert!). Here’s your emotional response.

• Knowing that you’re best suited to produce the report on time, you decide not to delegate this task. Here’s your mental response and the resulting behavior.

• Result: you missed the opportunity to practice what you learned during your training (and to develop the skills of an employee!).

As long as you don’t pay attention to the traps that await you, you’ll repeat the same behaviors.

What to do, then?

Develop your attention capacity

Know that the human brain’s attention capacity is naturally limited. Have you ever been so engrossed in an activity you’re passionate about that you didn’t even hear your child calling you? Or have you been so stressed about the upcoming meeting that you didn’t follow the conversation happening in the present moment?

If your attention is distracted by your environment, or conversely, if it’s captivated by your thoughts or emotions – or even by the stress you’re feeling – then you might be blind to what’s happening within and around you.

If you miss certain cues, your ability to understand what’s really going on and to adjust is far from optimal. Unfortunately, sources of distraction abound for everyone: technology, environment, thoughts (founded or unfounded), emotions, stress…

Yet, your attention capacity is essential for detecting a trigger and sensing your physical, emotional, and mental responses rising within you. Without it, you won’t be able to change behavior; you’ll act automatically.

By developing your attention, you can eventually choose to act differently as soon as the trigger arises, before the chain of events repeats. Indeed, you have a veto power.